10 Things You Can Do To Spice Up Your Sex Life

spice it up

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Marriage…it’s a full-time job to keep both partners satisfied. Life gets busy, schedules get crazy, children take over our lives and chores are never ending. We try as best as we can to juggle, to prioritize, and we sometimes fail. It’s okay to fail, though, disappointments happen, disagreements are natural, but it’s the way we resolve situations that really matters.

My husband and I have been together for over 12 years, married almost 10. That is a long time my friends. We met as teenagers, together we grew up and developed into young adults, partners, and parents. We have gone through so many of life’s ups and downs, but with the help of therapy and my Mr.’s “never give up” mentality, we overcame all obstacles and we are stronger than ever.

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Our sex life has been one of the things I seem to always put last on my priority list. It seems reasonable right? Especially when you have more important priorities such as children and your own well-being (aka sanity). However, this was a mistake, I realized that once my marriage began falling apart.

Why is sex important?

    “Sex is the glue that keeps marriages together.”

It brings people together on a physical and emotional level, that can not be attained from anywhere else. Within marriage sex allows for two souls to connect. Sex is a way of communicating. It allows us to be in our most vulnerable state and tells our partners that everything is okay. The intimacy that is achieved through sex is vital to sustaining a marriage. Why do you think many couples experience hardships when children are born? It’s because the act of sex is put on the top shelf until children become more self-efficient and independent (around age 4).

Before we know it, sex becomes a chore, one that we have to add to our never-ending to-do list. You begin to think to yourself, “How the f*ck did this happen?” When my Mr. and I first met we were obsessed with each other. We would have sex three times a day when we were together, any chance we would get we would do the deed. Fast-forward 8 years and we were having sex twice a month. This is reality my friends and unless you do something about it, your marriage will most definitely fall apart because without intimacy there is no unity.

So what can couples do?

I am not a sex therapist, I am simply giving you advice based on my personal experiences. I’ve have spent quite of bit of time research different ways to spice up a sex life and although I have found many great ideas, they just required too much effort. I simply didn’t have the “let’s f*ck” mentality. The desire to have sex was completely gone. You could probably put some blame on my antidepressants and my birth control too.

Through trial and error, I have come up with a short list of actions you can take to spice things up:

  1. Go on a sexy couples romantic vacation. I can not stress this enough. This was the number one thing that saved our sex life. Even if you are not a nudist or swinger, you can still have an amazing time exploring your fantasies by people watching and just being present. I recommend going to a place like Desire. It will definitely spice things up. TRUST ME. The Desire experience definitely put me in “the mood” (which is quite rare for me).
  2. Spend a weekend away from children or any other responsibilities. Whether you take a weekend staycation or you get a hotel in a nearby area. The purpose is to spend time together, focus on each other, let loose and reignite the flame. Plus it’s much easier to have sex…kinky sex…when children are not around. My Mr. and I take the kids to our parent’s houses every couple of weeks for a weekend. This gives us the opportunity to catch up, to watch dirty movies, to have sex on the couch, and walk around naked. It’s pretty nice to get out of “mom mode” at least for a weekend.
  3. Go on dates. Just the two of you. Not just dinner and a movie. Do something sexy like go lingerie shopping, visit an adult shop, go to a strip club, take massage lessons, go to a sex exposition. These are just a few ideas. The aim is to get yourself in a sexy mood (to get you horny).
  4. Watch some porn. For research purposes of course. The world of porn is ever so wide, there is much you can learn from watching porn such as different positions different fantasies, various kinds of kinks. It gives you and your partner ideas on how to change things up in the bedroom…to take you from vanilla to mint chocolate chip…with a cherry on top.
  5. Read romance novels. Even before Fifty Shades of Grey became popular I was reading various erotica novels (most by Maya Banks, Sylvia Day, Shayla Black). Erotic novels are like porn…in a book. They arouse you through vivid details that fire up your imagination. There’s a reason why moms are such avid lovers of erotica.
  6. Nude Selfies…Get glammed up, put on some sexy lingerie, and take some sexy selfies. Feel free to whip out a vibrator and kill two birds with one stone. Now admire how sexy you look! And send them to your husband (ideally out of the blue, while he is at work). He is going to die from desire and hopefully you will turn yourself on by your own hotness!
  7. Incorporate sex toys into sexy time. I can not stress this enough. I have made this clear in multiple previous posts. Vibrators will get you off during sex if vaginal penetration can’t. Butt Plugs will double the pleasure and make your orgasms indescribably amazing. Just do it. Seriously, just take the plunge and try it. Start with a Vibrating Cock Ring and work your way up towards more intense toys like the We-Vibe .
  8. Make sex a priority and have sex every day for two weeks. Sexual desire works on a supply and demand basis. The more you have it, the more you want it. Lucky for you, you probably have a very willing partner to experiment this idea with. Try it. What do you have to lose?
  9. Add a third member. When all the above fail and you’re feeling adventurous, add another man or woman to your duo. This will shake up your world, but you have to be in the right mindset before attempting this one. You have to put any and all jealousy aside, you absolutely must have trust in your marriage, and think of a threesome as an adventure. For more information on MFM (male, female, male) threesome click here.
  10. Sex therapy…I have personally never seen a sex therapist before. Our sex life was never that problematic where we could not spice things up on our own and were forced to seek professional help. A lot of couples are hesitant to seek professional help due to embarrassment or fear. According to research studies conducted by Kilmann PR et al, the success rate for sex therapy focusing on desire discrepancies is 53%. Another study conducted by the University of Pennsylvania found that the success rate for sex therapy is about 65% for a total sample of 365 couples struggling with various sexual issues. Sex therapy may actually save your sex life, therefore you marriage!

 

So go on! Spice up your sex life! You can thank me later. If you have any other ideas please comment below. Your advice can save someone’s sex life!



References

Kilmann et al. (1986). Perspectives of sex therapy outcome: a survey of AASECT providers. Sex Marital Therapy 12(2). 116-138.

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