The Dichotomy of Being a Sex Blogger Mom
The contrast between the world of sex and motherhood could not be more different. As a sex blogger, I am passionate about inspiring my readers to take control of their sex lives, to experiment, and to achieve maximum pleasure from their “sex-capades”. In a perfect world, everyone would just be much more open about sex and thus be more open to enjoying it for the blissful act it really is (“blissful” see what I did there!).
However, this advice often differs from that of common parenting practices. As a mother of twin girls, I sometimes struggle to balance these two worlds. Like, how do I present sexuality in a positive manner without encouraging bad decision making? Obviously, my four-year-olds are far from the teenage bad decision time period.
As a mom who passionately writes about all things sex related, I feel as if I am constantly being judged by my values, morals, and my work. While most mom bloggers write about parenting, food, and Disney World, I write about threesomes, orgasms, and I review sex toys. Talk about not “fitting in” into the mom blogging world. I can’t even imagine what some mom bloggers think about my topics. However, also know there are plenty of naughty moms who tagged onto the Fifty Shades of Grey bandwagon and secretly love sex, yet are too afraid to admit it because society judges. I know you’re out there mamas! But why does society judge sex loving moms? Well….because when you think about socially constructed norms, being a sexual mom definitely goes against the “mom of the year” criteria. Like… “your a mom, control your sexual urges, you gotta be pure for the sake of your children”.
Here’s where I have a problem with this mentality, women, just like men are sexual beings. We enjoy sex just as much as men, yet how dare we behave as sexually reproductive mammals whose sole purpose on this planet is to produce offspring so that our species may survive. I’m just gona put it out there guys, everybody has sex, that’s how babies are made. Your grandma had sex, your mom had sex, and that super conservative aunt Nancy, who’s son is on the Honor Roll, yea she had sex! Boom! Mind blown. So can we just cut the sh*t and come to terms with the fact that people have sex and that sex is amazing! Great! Thanks!
Personally, as you can see, I find this to be quite entertaining.
However, here comes the dichotomy again, as a mom of future teenage girls, I’m already sorta dreading the period of sexual exploration. Perhaps, society will be much more open to sexual exploration when they are teenagers, but as of today I kind of fear this period. It’s difficult to teach children about sexuality in a positive manner when society continues to be judgmental about women’s sexuality. How do I encourage my girls to explore the pleasures of sexual intimacy, without giving them the green light for ultimate sluttiness? I can hope that the term will no longer be applied towards sexuality active women, but let’s be real: our society is built upon patriarchal values and I seriously doubt our “joint” mentality will be changing during their life span.
So back to the focus of this post, how does one carefully separate these worlds, sex and parenting, while also being true to oneself and one’s values? I really have no idea. I honestly just wing it. I do the best I can with the values and educational experience I have collected throughout the years. Being a sex-positive mom generally, requires careful selection of words based on the maturity of the given child’s age group. For example, a toddler will touch his/her genitals because it feels good. Sure you could scold the child for “masturbating” and tell them that “we don’t do that”, but then your kid will grow up believing that sexual urges and pleasures are wrong. This is not being sex-positive. Instead, as I explained in my previous post about Sexual Exploration in Early Childhood, you admit to them that you know that it feels good, but we just don’t do that in front of people and suggest they explore in private. And when my girls one day become teenagers hungry to lose their virginities to the dreamy boy in their class, I will approach this event with caution. I aim to put it all on the table, no sugar coating; “teen boys are immature and your feelings will eventually be hurt, but sex is natural, here’s a stack of condoms and some birth control pills! Good luck!”. Maybe, it won’t occur as “smoothly” as I have planned, but hopefully my children will be smart enough to make smart and safe choices, sex-related or otherwise.
So here I am, in a world full of sex, in a sexist society, in a house full of kids…as a sex-positive blogging mom.
Yup, that pretty much sums it up.