Player or Stayer: How to Distinguish the Difference

Player or stayer

Player or Stayer?

Many of today’s relationships whether serious or not, begin online. With the help of Facebook, dating websites such as PlentyofFish,, or Tinder, amongst many many others, people are hooking up. Online dating and our hookup culture of sexual freedom make it pretty easy to get laid, making it even more possible that you will be approached by a player.

You find a profile you like on a dating site, you chitchat a bit online, and then meet up in person for some real time action. Theeennnnn, you simply never speak to the person again. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Pretty simple sh*t. What if you’re out there looking for something a tad more serious like a f*ck buddy, a boyfriend/girlfriend, or even a future spouse? This my friends is a lot more challenging in my generation.

Online communication makes it impossible to pick up on nonverbal cues. It makes it too simple to go MIA. I’m not saying it’s wrong to hit it and quit it, I’m quite understanding, some people don’t like commitment. I get it…whatever floats your boat, player. However, it would be a lot more polite to be a tad more upfront about your commitment issues and provide some closure. People have feelings and take “getting played” personally. Like was I not attractive enough? Did I do something wrong? Maybe he didn’t appreciate my pube topiary. Come on guys just say it like it is and give the other person some f*ckin closure.

Shop Megan Fox's Lingerie Collection at Frederick's of Hollywood

“It’s all about vibes.”

I would like to consider myself pretty good at reading people and a pro at distinguishing a player from a stayer. It’s all about vibes. I can typically pick up on “f*ckboy” or “f*ckgirl” vibes pretty quickly. So in order to help my fellow singles or couples looking for a playmate I have come up with a list of qualities to watch out for.

Top Cues

Secretive: Doesn’t divulge much personal information or completely avoids answering personal questions.
Uninterested: In your life. Doesn’t ask any personal questions. Could care less if your dog just died or if you got fired. Basically just doesn’t want to get involved and avoids discussing topics that could potentially cause bonding and therefore the development of feelings. When attempting to establish a relationship people discuss things, they ask questions, they are inquisitive about you, they want to get to know you. Players typically don’t give a sh*t.
Charming: These individuals have the magical ability to captivate their target’s attention, therefore gaining their trust. Both men and women alike love a charming individual.
Attractive: Usually these people are quite attractive. They are physically fit, spend hours at the gym, healthy eaters, and dress to impress. This also causes them to be a little cocky, but this arrogance may be difficult to pick up on when they are charming away through conversations.
Opposite of dynamic (couldn’t find a better antonym for dynamic): So because there is little exchange of personal information these guys and gals focus on superficial topics or in most cases focus on the main picture…sex. They constantly talk about sex, they send nudes, they ask what you’re wearing, how big you d*ck is, if you jerked off to her picture yet, and ask “how do you want me to give it to you”. Nothing else is relevant.
Straight to sex: So if you met online and you’re meeting in person now, the energy may be off. It may be a little awkward. Although the element of physical attraction may be present, there is no emotional connection, so you’re left to do one thing. The physical thing since it’s all you really have going in this “relationship”. So you give in, thinking “f*ck it, why not he/she is hot”, you do the deed and hope it went “well”.

Wrapping it up

Unfortunately, no matter how “well” the “date” might have gone, a true player will avoid you for the end of times. They achieved their mission (to get laid) and they’re off to find their next target. Don’t take it personally. I know it may sometimes be difficult; I’ve been there. This is just how some people roll. It may seem selfish, but when you think about it from their perspective it’s logical. They need to fulfill their need, but they don’t want commitment. It’s a game.

It’s okay to be a little upset, but please move on. Just enjoy the experience for what it’s worth and learn from it. Life is all about having various experiences and hey at least you got laid. Plus you probably don’t want to be “friends” with such people anyway if you are looking for something more serious, even f*ck-buddy relationships require some sort of commitment.

Got more ideas or opinions? Please share below.


  1. Farwa Naqvi

    April 10, 2017 at 2:22 pm

    Maybe it’s more obvious now, I think the ‘players’ have always been around. They are just hard to spot. The aspects you’ve listed seem pretty accurate, will keep in mind when I’m not on a lookout for an a**hole 😉

    1. marlenagsalerno

      April 10, 2017 at 2:52 pm

      Hahaha yes I think sometimes girls can be naive and blinded by the charm. I will admit that I have in fact been played

  2. Muhammad Bilal

    April 10, 2017 at 3:06 pm

    Don’t you think that these online modes are too fake? Tons of dating apps or sites. People have access to profiles not even on their friend list. And now they can reach anyone; I’m talking we guys chasing girls (usually) and end up nowhere. I feel as if the old days were much better. We talk to persons in-person. Hangout. Express joy with real emotions, not emojis (and there’s more).
    I often feel that there’s an old man’s soul living in me 😀

    1. marlenagsalerno

      April 10, 2017 at 3:07 pm

      I definitely agree with you Muhammad. There’s are positives and negatives to online dating.

  3. Tee

    April 10, 2017 at 3:43 pm

    You’re spot on. It’s sad for those on the receiving end but true for the players.

  4. Amy - Page Traveller

    April 10, 2017 at 4:15 pm

    Omg, this is why dating terrifies me. I’ve been in a relationship for eight years and dating had changed so much in that time I wouldn’t know where to begin! Last time I was single, Obama wasn’t elected yet and MySpace was still a thing…

    1. marlenagsalerno

      April 10, 2017 at 4:16 pm

      Hahaha. I hope I never have to date again. Been married for almost 10 years.

  5. Jyo

    April 10, 2017 at 4:54 pm

    So true, especially this day & age, it’s so hard to find a meaningful relationship! It’s the charming & suaveness that throws me off like you say, and it’s so easy when someone makes you the center of attention to assume they’re into you. The key thing is to see if they’re interested in you as a person and values over your appearance. Thanks for the share!

Leave a Reply