Faking Orgasms: Why do we do it and is it okay to do so?
We all fake orgasms, both men and women, even fish believe it or not. According to an article featured by the American Psychological Association, 67% of women admitted to faking an orgasm occasionally, while 28% of men admitted to faking an occasional orgasm.
But why? You ask. As a fellow “faker” for many years, I have pondered the reasons as to why I fake my orgasms and came up with some pretty good explanations.
- I drank too much and I know it’s not gonna happen, but he’s working so hard and he really is doing a great job. If I wasn’t so drunk I probably would cum, so I’ll just fake it to boost his ego a tad.
- He’s been working so hard, for so long, and he’s been super patient, but it’s just not gonna happen. He looks as if he just ran a marathon, he needs a break and since I’m such a nice person, I’m just gonna fake it so he feels accomplished and gets to his own release.
- He’s been working hard, but he has no idea what he’s doing. I just can’t do this anymore. This needs to end. So I fake it, he finishes and the party is over. Finally…
- I’m bored. We’ve been going at it for a while now. I got things to do so I just fake it, then he will finish real quick and then I can get back to doing something else, like sleeping.
You see I have a hard time reaching orgasm. When taking care of business myself, I can get myself off in like 2 minutes with a vibrator. My previous partners did not know my body, did not know the logistics. They simply assumed that intercourse would do it for me. We were young and unknowledgeable. However, as I have gotten older, I have figured out how to guide my partner better, so that he can get me off. My Mr. and I have been together for over 10 years so he’s had plenty of time to figure me out, what spots to hit, the timing and all. I would not expect the same of any new partners though.
You see when you’re with someone new, you have to show him or her what you like. Every woman is different, every vagina is different. Women vary in the amount of pressure they require on or in their erogenous zones. Some women love their clit sucked, for me, it’s too much. Some women (very few) can achieve orgasm through intercourse. How is your partner supposed to know what you require? It’s a shared responsibility, my friends. So unless you have yourself a pussy eating master, you gotta do your part.
Since such a high percentage of us fake orgasms, can men tell whether we faked it or not?
Well, most of the time probably not. The majority of men are not as knowledgeable about the female orgasm as they think they are. Sure they know what an orgasm is supposed to look like (thanks to porn, which is not always a good educating tool but has its benefits, for more information regarding the benefits of porn check out my previous post…Porn is Beneficial to Your Life). You partner may take your verbal cues as signaling the big event.
But do they know how it’s supposed to feel? Only if they are really paying attention to your body and body language, which is somewhat a difficult task considering what they are doing in that moment (either deeply thrusting and working your clit, or eating you out and fingering you, and either requires some work and concentration). To be honest, my Mr. who has been the only one to make me cum, still can’t always tell whether I came or not, but he’s working on it.
So what really happens during a woman’s orgasm?
As a woman approaches orgasm, her muscles tense, her abdominal muscles tighten (great ab work out I tell ya). Breathing increases and she may become more vocal, expressing her pleasure.
When a woman orgasms, we all know (hopefully) that her vagina contracts, but did you know that on average it will contract between 10-15 times, with each contraction lasting 8/10ths of a second? I didn’t even know that, thanks, AskMen! Boom, mind blown. Her rectal sphincter even contracts about 2-5 times (this explains why my butt plug goes flying during orgasm). Muscles spasm until the finale is over.
Fun fact: a woman’s orgasm lasts 4 times longer than a man’s!
So is faking an orgasm bad?
Well, this depends on how you look at it. Usually, we fake orgasms so that we don’t hurt our partner’s feelings. We don’t want to make him/her feel bad about their performance. Perhaps, we like them and would like them to be repeat customers.
However, faking orgasms can become a problem. When you fake it once, you may be forced to keep faking it every time after that (expectations). Hence your sexual encounters would be based on lies. Another reason why this phenomenon can become problematic is that when you keep faking orgasms, you seldom allow yourself a chance to achieve the real thing. You simply give up trying and fake it instead of guiding your partner. This will prevent your partner from truly learning how to please you.
Personally, I think it’s okay to fake an orgasm during one-night stands or any other casual sex encounters. However, when an actual relationship can potentially come of the encounter, I recommend honesty. If you didn’t achieve orgasm, tell him/her what they could have done to help. Communication my friends, it can really make your sex life that much better.
P.S. If you’re having a hard time achieving the big O, check out my older post Orgasms…Four reasons why you’re not experiencing them and four tips to achieve orgasms. This should provide you with some great tips for maximum pleasure.