Orgasms…..Four reasons why you’re not experiencing them and four tips to achieve orgasms
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Sex is fun.
Sex is beneficial to your health; it helps you sleep, you burn extra calories, it helps relieve pain, it improves your immune system, and improves cardiovascular health. Sex makes us prettier; it makes us look and feel younger, promoting softer skin and shinier hair. Everyone has sex (well almost everyone) and everyone (almost everyone) enjoys it. However, according to Cosmopolitan‘s Female Orgasm Survey, 43% of women actually do not achieve orgasm when having sex, compared to their male counterparts who orgasm 95% of the time. According to Planned Parenthood statistics, 1 in 3 women has a difficult time reaching orgasm and 80 percent of women have difficulty with orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. I find this information disturbing.
However, I was one of these women for a very long time and I was okay with it. I could only orgasm from oral or when I would secretly pleasure myself with a vibrator. I never experience an orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone.
So why are women not experiencing an orgasm as often as men?
- Clit….Let’s consider the logistics, the greater majority of women require clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. The best positions for reaching orgasm are good old missionary and girl on top. Why? Because the clitoris gets the most action in these positions when compared to side-by-side or doggy style.
- G-spot…is he hitting your G-spot? Do you know where your G-spot is? Does he? Maybe it’s time to educate yourself and your partner. The G-spot is a sensitive nerve-packed area inside your vagina. Its texture is slightly rougher than the rest of you vagina making it easier to feel out. It is located about 2” in the upper side of the vagina, so you need to slightly curl your finger upward to find it. Check out this article by Markham Heid. It’s much more detailed and written by a guy so maybe it will be more encouraging than hearing it from a woman.
- Time...It takes longer for women to reach orgasm. According to statistics, most women require at least 20 minutes of fun to reach orgasm. Men on the other hand, can reach the finish line in as little as 2 minutes, according to WebMD.
- Mood…It depends on our moods. According to the American Sexual Health Association, temporary sexual difficulties may be due to psychological/emotional troubles. Women really need to be in the moment both physically and mentally in order to orgasm. When we feel stressed, anxious, or in a rut it’s much more difficult to let go and enjoy the physical sensations. I can attest to this. When I am overwhelmed, orgasm is just not happening. I’m not thinking about how good the physical sensations are, I’m thinking about all the things I need to do when this is over and how much longer is this going to take so I can go check some chores off my list.
Sometimes we just don’t feel sexy… when we have problems with our self-esteem we are not really enjoying the sexual act.
Instead, we may be feeling self-conscious; “I hope he doesn’t notice all those stretch marks on my a$$” or “I’m so fat, how can he think my rolls are attractive” or “Shit I forgot to shave”. Sometimes these issues can be much deeper such as when an eating disorder is present or a body image disorder.
Tips to ensure orgasm…
1.) Change your mentality…Unfortunately, misogyny is to blame for this. We live in a society where women continue to be second-class and this mentality plays into our sex lives. If you want to cum, you need to feel entitled like men. Know that you deserve to cum just as often as men.
Party doesn’t end until you reach the O!
2.) Prepare yourself …Maybe you just need to set the mood. Take a candlelight bath, shave. Put on some lace. Get glam with makeup and hair. Spray your favorite perfume. Maybe play some sexy music or watch some porn. It won’t hurt to try. I enjoy sex the most when I feel sexy; when I look sexy. Have a drink to calm your nerves and go get ‘em. Sometimes we just need to take ourselves out of our daily habits of yoga pants and top knots.
3.) Let go of your inhibitions…Don’t be embarrassed by your need to touch your own clit and don’t be too timid to tell your partner to that your clit needs some attention. You need to speak up, you know your body better than anyone and you know the trick. Perhaps, you could pass that knowledge along to your partner, he won’t mind, rather he will appreciate the tips. Trust me men enjoy seeing their women get off. It makes them feel manlier and gives them pride.
4.) Take control of your pleasure….Touch yourself. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself off. Incorporate some sex toys. Maybe start small with a Vibrating Cock Ring like this one sold on Amazon (prime shipping). The first time I had an orgasm during sex was thanks to this little guy. I faked a lot. I was a pro-faker. Maybe you need a little more than a cock ring has to offer. Only you know what you need. Whip out a vibrator. There are many options in vibrators. If you’re thinking of introducing a vibrator for the first time, perhaps you should try something less intimidating, like Lelo Nea 2. It’s smaller and doesn’t really look like a d*ck. If you’re feeling a little more adventurous, I suggest the We Vibe 4 Plus. It’s designed specifically for couples. Finally, tell him to f*ck off if he doesn’t like it, but the truth is, he will think it’s pretty f*ckin hot.
Finally, tell him to f*ck off if he doesn’t like it, but the truth is, he will think it’s pretty f*ckin hot.
Now, get to work and let’s get to 95%.