True Life: I’m a Squirter

Squirting… yeah ummm. I have no idea why guys think it’s so hot or why they pat themselves on the back for making a girl squirt. I literally had a dude DM me on Instagram asking me how to make a woman squirt. I recommended some youtube videos and some how-to tutorials from Pinterest:

 

from UberKinky.co.uk

Like do you guys realize what squirting is? If not read my previous post Squirting…The Hottest Trend in Sex (it’s kinda like urine). Since when did squirting become such a popular topic? I never heard of this occurrence until a few years ago. Why was I not taught this in sex ed? Oh and in case you didn’t know, not all women are squirters and even then they don’t squirt with every orgasm.

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I remember the first time I squirted. I was about 16 and my fiancé at the time (yea I know I settled down early) was going down on me and all of a sudden I squirted in his mouth. That was the only time it has eveeeer happened until last year. Seriously, 12 years later I became a squirter.

Here I was having sex with my boyfriend at the time and all of a sudden, I feel the sheets under my booty soaked. I was thinking, “wtf is happening?” and I asked my bf shockingly, “did I squirt?” and he was like “ummmm yeah”. I really was shocked, yet kinda impressed with myself and his skill lmao. Then it happened again, and again, and again. Since then I all of a sudden became a squirter. Like what is happening?

If you’re curious what it’s like to be a squirter, let me tell you. It’s messy. It doesn’t happen every time I orgasm, but often enough to consider myself a squirter. I remember the first time my current boyfriend went down on me, I had to give him the heads up, “I’m sorry if I squirt in your face” (or something like that idk I was pretty buzzed, now that I think about it I don’t think I squirted that time).

I remember one time I was reading a sexy novel and I got super horny so I took a quick trip to the bathroom to masturbate. I was fingering myself while hovering over the toilet (cuz you know I took the necessary precaution just in case) and I squirted all over my fucking hand. Luckily it didn’t get on my clothes! Funny story though.

Another time I was getting fucked on the couch and boom squirted all over. That’s not even the worst. The last time I squirted, I ended up squirting all over my stuffed animal bear that I sleep with (I know it’s lame, but I still cuddle with my bear lmao). Well, yea I wasn’t very happy about that and I don’t even know how it happened, buuut it did. Well then I forgot about it and the squirt dried and I still cuddled with it. I know it’s gross, but w/e it’s my squirt and I washed the bear the next day (no shame). Desperate times my friends. That’s the funniest squirting story I’ve got so far.

So yea, squirting is all nice and dandy but requires lots of loads of laundry, a sense of humor, a mattress protector (I have this one on all the beds in the house: Queen Size SafeRest Premium Hypoallergenic Waterproof Mattress Protector – Vinyl Free) for sure and I’m seriously considering investing in a waterproof sex blanket or some kind of mattress pad cuz I really do hate changing sheets. I literally typed “products for female squirters” into Google and it was disappointing, but when I typed “products for messy sex” voila this baby popped up: THROWS OF PASSION Waterproof Pleasure BlanketIt’s 99$. Is it worth the investment? Idk. I’m thinking about it. Or maybe I should start with an incontinence mattress pad (I know it doesn’t sound very sexy, but it’s like $18).



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