So You’re in a New Relationship: When do you let your freak flag fly?

As you may or may not know, I occasionally reach out to my social media followers for topic ideas. During my last topic research quest, I spoke with a gentleman with an arsenal of questions, one of which really caught my attention:

“When you’re in a new relationship, how long should you wait before you let your freak out?”

I realize that dating is difficult and new relationships are hard to navigate. Sex related matters may further complicate relationships, especially when dealing with a more conservative type of individual. You must keep in mind that not everyone is as open about sex as me and the greater majority of society maintains their sex lives as private matters.

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So what do you do if you’re naturally pretty freaky?

Tough question my dear. You see, personally, I don’t like to waste time, either my own or my partner’s. However, I’m not your typical gal and I’m not what you would call “conventional”. I promote being sexually open about your kinks and sexual preferences from the start.

This can be difficult for individuals who are ashamed or embarrassed about their freakiness, those who are shy in nature or uncomfortable discussing sex, and those among us that are just beginning to explore their sexualities. When you add another person into the mix, things can get complicated.

Sometimes you just gotta feel the person out, trust your gut, and/or wing it. I mean what do you have to lose besides the potential love of your life? Just kidding! The relationship will probably not work anyway if you have to keep your freakiness a secret or if your partner doesn’t accept your kinky needs.

My best advice to those of you that are currently struggling with this issue is to casually break the news after the 3rd date or so. The first date is usually pretty uncomfortable. You chit chat about surface issues in an attempt to get to know the person and determine if he/she is a good fit. During the second date, you dig deeper and may dive into some more personal issues, maybe you even kiss! Woah! By the third date, hopefully, you have gotten to know the person well enough to determine whether or not he/she can handle the news or if he/she is worthy of your sexiness (sorry, gotta lol here).

How do you break the news? I know it sounds dramatic.

METHOD 1:

Luckily, ladies and gentleman, we have other means of communication outside the regular face to face meet ups, which means you can slowly begin discussing sexual matters via social media or text to save face.

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You could also just throw it out there in person and hope for the best. However, I would save this as step two only after mentioning a few things here and there via text/social media. With the hope that you’re still in the game and you get the impression that your partner is down for some freakiness, you may now slowly raise your freak flag when you get your chance to be intimate. When I say “slowly”, I mean tone your kink down a few levels the first couple times. Once you feel comfortable with your partner and believe they’re ready for full blown freak, just let it out my friend.

Always: Use your best judgment.

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Method 2:

This technique is a tad more natural as you just go with the flow of the sexual relationship. Here you’re basically skipping the chit chat and slowly incorporating your kinkiness into intimate moments.

For example: Let’s say you’re a sadist, meaning you get turned on by inflicting pain upon others. What you would do is begin slow, so maybe you gently bite your partner’s lip, gently pull their hair or nibble on their nipples. Carefully monitor your partner’s reactions. Then the next time just do the same but try a tad harder. Again, monitor your partner’s reactions. Maybe this time discuss whether he/she enjoyed it. If so, you can take it further and maybe include some spankings. Then you just take it from there depending on your level of sadistic desires.

spanking

Another example: You’ve got a foot fetish; feet turn you on. You can slowly begin to break the news to your partner by making subtle comments such as, “Oh did you get a pedicure? I love the color” or something like, “I just love your feet, they’re so sexy”. When you become intimate, slowly kiss down their leg until you get to the toes and only kiss them. Monitor his/her reactions. Next time you do the same and you can incorporate some toe sucking. Again, monitor his/her reactions. If you notice some confusion or “disgust” then you know your partner is just not into the whole foot thing.

The main word here is slowly. You don’t want to go full freak on your partner straight off the bat. You don’t want to scare him/her or freak them out.

The bottom line is that everyone is different and dating requires some interpersonal skills. The method you chose depends on your personality, your partner’s personality, your confidence, and your level of experience in sex and dating.

Good luck to you my fellow kinkster! Don’t be discouraged if your partner doesn’t accept you for who you are because there’s someone out there for everyone.

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